The Familiar

When I got to Chicago, I picked up a rental car and drove off into a city that felt familiar. The street names were familiar, I had a mental map in my head of where I wanted to go, and as I drove through neighborhoods, I thought about the people I knew who lived, or had lived, in those places. Everything felt so familiar and familiar is such a comforting place to be.

When I flew "home," I got in the car and drove out of the lot wondering which way to turn and desperately hoping I'd come across a street that matched one of the names that was on the directions I'd so carefully written down. I knew that if I ended up off by even just a block, I would be hopelessly lost. Everything here is so unfamiliar. Of course, Ed gave me excellent directions and I had no problem, but still there was that moment of panic wondering if I'd be able to figure it all out. Unfamiliar. A reminder that I am a stranger here. I hate that.

Last week I missed seeing my kid zone buddies. They always seem so pleased to see me, they make me glad I've come there to be with them. I also wondered about the girls I'd been helping at SCMS. I wondered if they did well on their test this week. Today, though, it is the opposite. Today I am thinking about my family and the good friends who have seen me through so many stages of my life. I feel so far away from them out here in Iowa. I feel like I've lost my identity, or at least an important piece of it. Who am I now? Where do I belong?